Poor Britney

Ya know I was listening to my iTouch at the office today and ole Britters came on singing Baby One More Time and I thought to myself... poor Britney.
Yeah yeah, I know you all think I'm nuts. She's clearly gone off the rails and is a bit of a loon, but come on people! She was soooo young when she hit it big, it was only a matter of time before she went crazy wasn't it? I mean look, Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake were also young when they made it big, but were either of them really as big as Britney back then!? Nahhhhh.

The poor girl should have had better people around her trying to protect her from the crazy life she was leading. I mean look at all these young girls goin off the rails. Lindsey Lohan is another example, although let's face it she was never that big so is probably just a bit of an ass.

Anyway, I feel sorry for Britney. She marries some guy for two minutes, hooks up with another star fucker and has his kids and now he's taken them away from her? Sure she's not fit to look after those kids if she's really into the drugs, but is K-Fed a good example of a parent!? No way!

Where were the good people around her? Oh yeah they were off in Vegas partying with her money weren't they. I feel bad for Britney and at the risk of sounding like crazy YouTube fame guy, leave the girl alone and let her get her life back on track.

Later!

I Love Meshel Laurie

Right, so Meshel Laurie.... my first encounter with this goddess of comedy was in January 2007 at Girlfest on Australia's Gold Coast. Having just moved over from the UK, I had no clue who the hell she was, all I know is she was funny... really funny. She made the comedy night at GirlFest for me and then one day in March driving to work.... I hear a woman on the radio. She sounded familiar to me, yet strangely I didn't put two and two together. Suddenly one morning, I realised that omg..... it's only the same woman! It was the hilarious Meshel on the Nova FM Brisbane brekkie show. Needless to say from that point, my radio dial has never changed from 106.9FM.

If you don't know who this woman is, trust me you HAVE to check her out. She is HILARIOUS! Ms Thang and I went to see her one woman show up at the Brisbane Power House and I have NEVER laughed so much at a comedy show. Now I've seen some funky female comedians live - French and Saunders, Rita Rudner and more and NONE have made me laugh as much as this woman. Let's just say every time I hear someone mention 'Ugg Boots' now I immediately think of this woman.

So what makes her so funny? Well she's smart, witty and like Ellen notices the amusement in everyday things. Oh also, she is totally animated and the way she says things is brilliant.

If you want to see some more of Meshel, go over to the Nova FM Brisbane website and check out her pages there. You can also check out Meshel getting an ionic footbath here... yeah.. I did just say that lol. Just scroll down to 'Inonic Woman'

Watch Video Here

Anyway, Meshel Laurie, I salute you. You are one hilarious, foxy Ozzie woman. More power to you and here's hoping you keep rollin just the way you do now!

Jessica Biel and Gal Pal Ass Grab

Oh yeah people... just last week I was discussing Jessica Biel and her relationship with Justin Timberlake. I believe I also mentioned 'those' lesbian rumors that just don't seem to go away.

She was recently photographed unaware by someone at some random sports event with JT (in the green t-shirt in the photo). Now, they were also joined by some friends on their jaunt and Jessicas unnamed galpal had a good old feel of her ass when JT wasn't looking.

Doesn't she know that people are ALWAYS looking at celebrities? Some sneaky sod snapped a photo and oh yeah people.. that lady is getting a good old feel.

Now here's what I'm thinkin..... firstly.. the chick with her looks like a big ole dyke. Look at the photo.... big shoulders, wifebeater top, lesbian pose, chunky ring on right hand finger, bands around her wrist... this one has got to be gay surely. And there she is... caught in the act of nonchalently feeling up Jessica. Now, if you were a straight woman and your friend just randomly groped you, wouldn't you at least flinch a little? Ya know, you'd at least be slighly uncomfy right? Not Jessica, apparently she didn't even bat an eyelid. Infact, she seemed so comfy with it that you might be fooled into thinking this is something that happens often, that this person is already fairly intimate with you and simply forgot where she was for a second. Now far be it for me comment, I don't know the girl, I don't know what her relationship is about, but all I can do is try to read between the lines here like the rest of you.

The ever reliable sources on the scene (ha!) stated that as soon as JT turned around, the hand was quickly removed from her ass. Now, is it a case of he just doesn't know, maybe he does know and he's a 'beard' for Jess. Who knows the true story, all I know is it's making me smile and that's a good thing. As always, opinions in this little blog of mine are just that.. opinions. There's no fact in this, no truth that we know of.. but come on people... surely there's just tooooooo many things going on here with this whole lesbo story.

On Ya Gers!!!!!

Yayyyyyy. So I got up at stupid o'clock this morning to watch my beloved Glasgow Rangers FC play Barcelona in the UEFA Championship and I'm glad to say it was worth it. We struggled against a world class team, but the boys in blue did it and we managed to keep a 0-0 score. We're now joint top of the group with them and fingers crossed that we'll stay up there to get into the next stage. So anyway, why am I talking about this? Dunno. LOL. Just wanted everyone to know why I'm so tired right now. And how sweet, Ms Thang even got up and watched it with me. Bless her.

So now I'm debating should I stay here all day or go home early? I have four and a half hours in hand to use up so hmmm... make it through the day sleepy so I get to have a half day Friday or go home now for a snooze. I have a feeling that I'll try and save them til Friday and extend my weekend a little. Don't you just love the feeling of a long weekend? Ahhhh bliss.

I'm still debating on whether I want to see A Mighty Heart. I love Angelina Jolie, but there's something about this movie that doesn't appeal to me. I don't know what it is. I get she's an amazing actress and humanitarian, but sometimes I think it's cooler to keep those separate. I'm not sure I want to necessarily go to the movies to feel depressed.... I wouldn't mind seeing her in something a little light-hearted or uplifting. It's all gotten a bit serious and dramatic for her recently.

Anyway, should get going.. looks like we may be getting thrown out of our office soon.. but that is another blog post for another time.

Laptops in Suitcases ...

When did we lose our ability to carry a laptop in a normal bag you sling over you shoulder? Does anyone remember the point in time when we became so lazy that we had to buy laptop bags on wheels? 

I mean let's face it people, we're not talking something the size of a 30kg suitcase now are we? We're talking about a small laptop of probably less than 5 kg at most and yet here are all these people wandering around wheeling them along as though they're going on vacation.

Maybe it's just here at the University where I work, or maybe someone else can tell me it's happening to them where they live as well, but seriously it's sooooo weird! People wandering into Uni for work or study and wheeling along what I would usually call an 'overnight' bag. Gone are the days when these would only be used to take on a plane if you had a stopover somewhere. Now you take them to work every day just to stop you carrying your laptop bag. 

Come on people! Quit being so lazy and get used to using your hands again. I mean let's face it, we all want strong arms and hands for one reason or another don't we ;op 

Alien Bugs in Basketball Heads

In our office we have one of those small kiddy basketball hoops and plastic balls that you can play with during boring times or alternative place over your bin for some extra fun when throwing out paper. Anyway, our little mini basketball burst a while ago, so we turned it into 'Bob'. Bob is a plastic man made from an empty soda bottle and with the basketball sliced open just enough to fit over the bottle lid to make a head. 

Bob has quite happily been sitting on our shelf for weeks and weeks and only today did we decide to open him and use him as a handy collector of can ring pulls. There's no logical reason for us collecting ring pulls, we just decided on it one day and if we get enough we'll make a post-modern christmas decoration out of them. Anyway, back to Bob - who is named after 'Hey Bob' the line from the Angelina Jolie movie Life or Something Like it - Bob has become an alien bug carrier. 

Yes, today when we took off Bobs head, inside was a bug with large antennas... never seen before and the question on everyones lips is.. how did it get in there. Trust me, Bob's head was watertight, the bug was in there alive and well and creeping us the hell out! Anyway, we took it outside and let it go, then we realised we'd probably just freed the first alien plastic basketball head bug hybrid. It's gone, our chance at fame and fortune has now passed and we're gutted.

Anyway, an obscure tale today I realise, but a tale at least. Have a good day people.

Exes and Ohs

So did you think that there would never be a time when there would be one, let alone two lesbian TV shows on television? Yeah, me too, but I guess we're wrong. Logo (the gay network as I like to call it) are showing a new TV show from this month called 'Exes and Ohs'. It's basically a show about lesbos that isn't the same lesbos that are in The L Word. Cool huh?

Don't worry, you don't need to only watch one dyke show, you can still watch The L Word if you want to. I'll be watching it and trying to find someplace I can get goddamn Logo in Australia. You can watch the first episode on the Logo website and you'll notice that the characters are slightly more realistic looking that in The L Word. Other than that, it's sort of like a lesbo episode of Friends which as far as I'm concerned is a good thing. The series is actually based on the short film 'The Ten Rules: A Lesbian Survival Guide' if anyone even saw that.

Anyway, you might want to try and catch this show as god knows how long it will be on. 

More lesbos on screen is a good thing as far as I'm concerned... I wonder if any of them are actually queer.......

The Lesbian Rumor Mill

So I read a few interesting rumors today about who might and might not be a lesbian in the celeb world. Most of them I'd already heard, but a few were a surprise even to me. 

The usual ones were in there, Jodie Foster, Oprah Winfrey, Hilary Clinton, Kelly McGillis, Michelle Rodriguez and Helen Hunt. These are what I term the 'duh' list. I mean come onnnnnnnn, these woman must be gay surely? Or at least bi? My vote is still out on Oprah, but the others are screaming right?

Anyway, there's a few that took me by surprise, namely Julie Andrews, Nicole Kidman, Sarah Shahi, Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz. I have reasons for why each is a surprise, so here goes.

Julie Andrews - doesn't surprise me that much as she's been sporting that short boyish bob a long time. But, what did surprise me is that she's rumored to be the long-time partner of Carol Burnett.

Nicole Kidman - Again, maybe she is gay and that's why she married Tom Cruise, it worked for them both, however would she go so far as to marry Keith Urban? I think not. Have you seen the man.

Sarah Shahi - So she played Carmen in The L Word with such conviction that must mean she's gay right? Nahhh she's not gay. Hell if she is all my dreams have come true trust me, but I can't see it.

Scarlett Johansson - Apparently got caught lip-locking her best friend a while ago in a nightclub, but let's face it ladies how many straight girls do you know that like to make out with their friends when they've had a few drinks too many. It's all too common and Scarlett was so enraged by it she even got her lawyers involved. She's fine with people saying she fucked Benicio Del Toro in an elevator the first time they met, but god forbid someone says she loves the ladies.

Penelope Cruz - I hear this one all the time, but would she really go so far as to hook up with gay poster boy Tom Cruz and then Matthew McConaughey. Surely she wouldn't go that far? Although she does seem to like feeling up Selma Hayek, another rumored lesbo.

Anyway, don't really know what else to say about this except from I wish people would just COME OUT already! It's boring, we need more cool lesbos out there like Ellen and Portia.

Anyway, here's a shameless photo for my own enjoyment....

Scarlett Johansson's Breasts

Yeah I thought that might get your attention. 

Anyway, this week I've been delving into Scarlett Johnansson (no pun intended) and I've started to like her more. Not just for her huge breasts that seem to be pushed up and out at any event, but because she seems like the kind of girl who can take the piss out of herself. I happened to find the clip below on YouTube and I laughed my ass off at work. So much so I've watched it a few times and still find it funny. 

She's one of those actresses that is really famous, yet all the movies she's in bombs. Some say she has the kiss of death, I wouldn't mind trying that out to be honest... ahem.. anyway...

Have a laugh by watching the clip below and afterwards, tell me you don't find yourself walking around saying 'look at this one, or that one'....

Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel and Weight Watchers

So in the hope of being able to go snowboarding next winter and making a total ass of myself doing so, I have decided to join Weight Watchers. Yup... time to lose the extra kilos that have kept me warm through the winter hahaha, that's my excuse anyway. So it's all about the points people, all about counting those points and only eating within the points. Doesn't seem so bad yet, but then it's only been one week lol.

So yeah, me and Ms Thang are on this total health kick. We decide we want to take up tennis and go driving around looking for a place to hire a court... then Ms Thang decides we should take a small detour and off we go. Lo and behold, less than five minutes from our house in the car is a bloody tennis court with a huge big 'for hire' sign on it. So we have no excuses now. Oh yeah, one day I will have a body like Jessica Biel in Blade 3. LOLLL

Talking of Jessica Biel, what is it with this Justin Timberlake thing. All the girls love him, yet to me he's become more and more scruffy and skanky looking as time has passed. Anyway, I predict here on the web that him and Jessica Biel will indeed tie the knot. Yes, that's right people, you heard it here first. I think this is it for them. It's written in the stars or some other such place and they'll get hitched.

You're probably wondering why a lesbo like me cares about who Justin Timberlake is marrying? Well I only care because it's Jessica Biel who lets face it is hot hot hot! Although I think she might be a bit too skinny now as her mouth looks a little too big for her face. Don't you hate it when Hollywood does that to celebs? I'm calling it the Hollywood Gob Syndrome. Suddenly their faces get so skinny, nothing fits there anymore and they look like freaks!

Anyway, that's it from me for the day. 

Later! 

x

Oh and I heard some interesting rumors recently about Jessica Biel and how she's pissed off that there's all these lesbian rumors about her. Now, far be it for me to stir things up here, but for as long as I can remember people have been saying Jessica likes the ladies too. She has that vibe about her don't you think? Anyway, apparently she's not too happy they've resurfaced, especially since she's in the midst of such a big love affair with JT. She's stating that she thinks Justins ex's Scarlett Johansson or Cameron Diaz are the culprits for starting these. Sorry Jessica, but people have always hoped, sorry thought you were at least bi.

Angelina and the Freaks

Ok, look I LOVE Angelina Jolie. I think the woman is a goddess for a whole lot of reasons, I really, really do. She rocks my world in ways many others never could, however, even I have had enough of her being hounded outside Maddox's school. 

Look we all KNOW he goes to that school, the press are there every single day taking photos of her, Brad or her and Brad picking their kid up, but come onnnnnnnn. There's new photos up (which I'm not gonna put up here) where she's picking up little Maddy and there's a whole lot of freaks just standing around watching them.

I get that celebs need to be prepared to be photographed constantly and that it's just part of the job, but this is her KID here... this isn't her flouncing in and out of someplace. Her kid goes to school here for gods sake, get a life and go home. Quit standing around shouting and staring.

It's really getting on my nerves to be honest. They're clearly trying to get some stability into Maddy's life and here's a bunch of weirdos standing there looking at him leaving school. Gimme a break!!!!! If you wanna get a photo use a long lens for Christs sake. 

Anyway, rant over, it's annoying me so thought I'd share it.

Angie rocks, give the woman some space already!

Helena's My Bitch

Hey so yesterday I had the joy of watching the preview of The L Word Season 5. Holy hell, if the chicks in prison look as hot as Helena how do I get a job there as a 'screw'. She looks fine! The part where she's eyeing up her hot cellmate who is doing pushups against the bed.. mmMMMm. That scene alone is food for a lifetime of fantasies, oh yeah, Helena is totally my bitch. 

Other than that, I found myself strangely excited at the prospect of Bette and Tina getting back together. This took me by surprise I have to say, because to be honest I think Tina sucks and I think Bette is a power hungry nutcase half the time. Add to this the fact that I actually like Marlee Maitlin and I found myself totally confused by my romantic nature wanting Tibette to hook up again. I may be imagining things here, but I'm sure it looked like there was some kind of bedroom action there between them and I find this really exciting! What is goin on!

What else did I find of note.... hmm ok I sorta found it amusing Shane was back to her usual ways. I really dislike Shane as a person, I think she sort of sucks, but again for some reason, seeing her return to her playa playa ways is sort of cool. Now, one thing that did disturb me in the preview is poor Alice sitting crying. I hate the thought of her crying, she's just too sweet and cute to hook up with someone else that isn't going to work!

And breathe.... anyyyyyway, that's me for this morning, might be back later. Check out the season 5 preview below

Flattery Gets You Everywhere...

So Ms Thang messages me today and says "you should write a blog, you are VERY interesting, witty, funny, smart... I think it would be funny". Me of course being the flattery slut I am replies with 'well thanks, you set me one up and I'll do it', and next thing you know...... well here we all are.

So ta-da! I'm blogging, I'm only five years too late to be one of those cool cats that can say 'hey I was blogging when there was money to be made in it' and whatever else people that are considered 'cool cats' might say. But regardless of me being a few years too late on the hip train to infamy I shall make it my mandate to blog daily on some random piece of enlightenment I find. 

So what's my thought for the day... I feel you all hanging off my every word.. you're yelling to me.. YES!... YES!! lesbolicious... tell us something insightful so we can feel closer to nirvana... so here it is - I have learned today that from great boredom can come true moments of insight.

I work in a box, yeah that's right one of those tiny little offices that I have to share with someone else. We work constantly on a system that requires a whole lot of thinking and typing, so of course we're going to have complete mind numbing brain freeze every once in a while. So, here my lovely lovely readers is the game that we have devised. It's not that exciting, probably tons of people are already doing it, but it's my gift to you.

We sit here day in and day out and hear office phrases such as 'touch base', 'ping', 'on my plate' and so on.... they bug us ok. We hate them.... I mean 'touch base'!? Come on! So we've decided to create our own phrases which we will try and integrate into office parlance at the next conference call or meeting. Our phrases thus far are this... 'leap the hurdle' or 'talk shop' in place of 'touch base'. We don't know why, we just like it ok. Instead of 'ping an email to you', we've gone for 'jetstream an email to you'. This may all not make sense, but look, we're bored, we think it's amusing to say stupid stuff and that is that ok. Later.